Steps to Writing Well page 63: Practice A

1.“Professor Wilson is the best teacher I've ever had. His lectures are interesting, and he's very concerned about his students. He makes the class challenging but not too hard. On tests he doesn't expect more than one can give. I think he's a great teacher.”

The writer's vague expressions such as “interesting”, “not too hard”, and “great teacher” should be replaced with concrete reasons or explained with examples. Saying, “he doesn't expect more than one can give”, is abstract and it would be stronger, for example, to say: On tests, he expects students to study , but he doesn't expect them to know more about the topic than he taught them.


2.“Newspaper advice columns are pretty silly. The problems are generally stupid or unrealistic, and the advice is out of touch with today's world. Too often the columnists just uses the letter to make a smart remark about some pet peeve. The columns could be put to some good uses, but no one tries very hard.”

Examples should be given of times when the advice columns are “unrealistic” or “out of touch”. Also, saying that the columns are “silly” and “stupid” could be offensive to a columnists if he or she were reading the essay. This could make them angry and not want to read the paper so they should be taken out. Another way they could improve the paragraph is by gearing it towards and audience. For example, they could write directly to the columnists telling them ways to improve their advice columns.


3.“Driving tests do not adequately examine a person's driving ability. Usually the person being tested does not have to drive very far. The test does not require the skills that are used in everyday driving situations. Supervisors of driving tests tend to be very lenient.”

The phrase, “the person being tested does not have to drive very far” could be made more specific by saying the person being tested only has to drive 5-6 blocks on their test. In addition, the sentence, “supervisors of driving tests tend to be very lenient” is unspecific and should have an example of leniency with it.


4.“Nursing homes are often sad places. They are frequently located in ugly old buildings unfit for anyone. The people there are lonely and bored. What's more, they're sometimes treated badly by the people who run the homes. It's a shame something better can't be done for the elderly.”

The sentence, “It's a shame something better can't be done for the elderly.” is a weak, false statement. Something can be done, and if the writer feels so strongly about the mistreatment of the elderly, they should write about ways to improve their conditions. Also, the term “ugly old building” could be better worded by saying broken down building because everyone's view of ugly differs. Another way to make the paragraph stronger is to use specific examples of “lonely and bored” and say why the residents feel that way.


5.“There is a big difference between acquaintances and friends. Acquaintances are just people you know slightly, but friends give you some important qualities. For example, they can help you gain self-esteem and confidence just by being close to you. By sharing their friendship, they also help you feel happy about being alive.”

The topic sentence for the paragraph, “There is a big difference between acquaintances and friends.”, is, again, vague and could be better phrased, such as: Acquaintances and friendships are two different levels of relationships. Also, the terms “slightly” and “important qualities” are not descriptive and should define the differences between acquaintances and friends more clearly.